This morning I found a tweet on TimeHop form March 30th-exactly 3 years ago: “Rock Bottom: 2 girls laying on the floor, drinking melted chocolate ice cream, watching bridesmaids, with their wet clothes hung around them”. First of all, that’s not even close to rock bottom. I’m sure I’ve been more of a mess than that. But it just made me think-if we really felt that rock-bottomy and a mess, why would we want to share that with the world and glorify it. Like I said, that wasn’t really rock bottom. It was a hilarious state when the dorm drier was broken and so was our freezer and we spent many nights on the floor because we made the mistake of lofting our 2 beds when we only owned 1 ladder. That’s not rock bottom, that’s funny, and that’s a typical day in the life as a college freshman. But I feel like I, and many other people, have said things like this when I/they really are at rock bottom, or at least a mess/unsuccessful/failing at some aspect of their life and making big mistakes. That’s less funny to me. It’s actually not funny at all. I realize that you need to laugh at life and not take it too seriously and that most likely this entire planet is an accident and nothing matters very much BUT is it really funny to be unhappy and to have an unpleasant, disaster of an existence? I don’t think so. I want my time here to be spent as happy and successful as possible. There will always be up’s and downs to laugh at and cry about, but I would never want an over-glorified hot mess of an existence.
I am so sick of the glamorization of being a complete, directionless, disaster. For the first couple years of college especially, it’s ok to be a hot mess, with no clue what you are doing. It’s still ok now. But it’s not glamorous, or the end goal, or what you should strive to be forever. It’s ok to make a big mistake, or a few, to drink too much sometimes and laugh about your killer hangover and the fact that you ignored some of your homework. It’s ok to make a joke about bombing an exam, or getting heartbroken, or having $2 to your name. I think we all do that and I think that is ok. It makes those things easier, but it doesn’t make those things good or glamorous.
We shouldn’t be all serious all the time or in a constant state of stress and anxiety. We shouldn’t sweat the small stuff, cry over spilled milk, beat ourselves up for that extra glass of wine or extra hour of sleep, when we should have been studying. Those are all part of being human and there’s no reason to be anything more than that. We need to laugh and joke about all of these things because that is the only way to move on, get over it, and be better in the long run. But I feel like people get stuck in this endless rut of being such a “hot mess” and laughing it off, to the point where they become ok with it, and let it rule their entire identity and eventually life direction. What’s funny about that? Is it actually funny to have nothing going for you and no goals of improvement? Is it glamorous to be a complete disaster with an uneventful future ahead of you? Or is it just comfortable and relatable to not have all your shit together at any given time? And so we laugh, even if it’s a nervous laugh.
Honestly, nobody knows entirely what they are doing. Nobody aces every class, never embarrasses themselves, follows their meticulous budgets to a T, or washes their hair every day (it’s actually healthier for your hair not to do that btw). It’s ok to laugh at yourself and laugh that all off and be a mess sometimes (But not all the time). It’s all ok, but it’s not romantic/glamorous/goal worthy.
I think we should glamorize being better than ok. We should celebrate the days when we are productive, accomplish the majority of what we plan to, drink a lot of water. We should glamorize good health, healthy relationships, and being happy. It’s easy to scoff at people who are doing well and succeeding in the areas that are a mess in your own life, but, uhm, instead of bragging about being complete messes, shouldn’t we all be trying to be better than ok to? It’s ok to be lazy sometimes and laugh it off, but isn’t it better to get shit done and feel proud and accomplished? Isn’t it more fun when you have a wild night out , meet new people, (Take over DJ duties, dance on some tables..), but are responsible enough to get home safely, remember a few important conversations, and not feel like you’re dying the next day? Wouldn’t it be more glamorous to wake up feeling great and ready for the next adventure? Oh, and to have all your work done ahead of time so you can focus on the stress-free moment at hand? That won’t always happen, but shouldn’t we glamorize the times that it does workout that way, instead of the times it doesn’t?
I was undoubtedly a hot mess for a bit. Sometimes I still am. Sometimes we all are. But not all the time. I don’t have weekends anymore where I regret half the things I did. I don’t skip classes just for the hell of it. I’m more motivated than I am lazy. I run off accomplishing as much in 24 hours as possible; So I have time for the fun stuff, for the good parts, so I can live in the moment without procrastinated assignments in the back of my mind. I budget my time and money. I still treat myself and make spontaneous decisions, but not at the cost of my own success and well being. Sometimes treating myself means doing yoga, having some tea and a face-mask, and getting to bed early. I have balance. I eat ice cream once in awhile but I eat smoothie bowls and salads a lot more often. I pay my bills on time and have more than $2 to my name. That might not all be hilarious and joke worthy but I don’t really want my entire life, the only one I have, to be a massive joke of massive failures and regrets, stresses, and hangovers. I want my life to be beautiful, exciting, successful, and inspiring.
Let’s glamorize the good parts. Let’s save money so afford what we want and need, so we can take off on spontaneous trips. Let’s work hard, destroy our exams, ace our classes, get our dream jobs, and then kick ass there too. Let’s spend our time with people who matter and kiss people we actually like. Let’s have classy wine nights and less classy gin + tonic nights, but let’s get home safe and drink water before bed and go coffee shop and beach hopping in the morning. Let’s workout and eat healthy and be actually hot, instead of just hot messes. Let’s let go of insignificant stress, but care deeply about the things that matter. Let’s change people’s lives and our own lives and change the world. Most importantly lets change anything holding us back from success/happiness/growth. Let’s glamorize actually loving ourselves and our lives, the people in them, and the ways we choose to spend our time. Let’s laugh about and romanticize and glorify that.