RAIN IN JULY(In response to “July’s a Drag So I’m Sleeping Til September”)

Do you remember last summer how it rained all July? I love rain but it ruined everything, all my plans, and made me anxious. It reminds me of humidity and feeling trapped and stuck in-between all this sticky air and not being able to breath right. It reminds me of feeling claustrophobic in my own skin and like I wanted to get away from everything, but you can only get so far away when “everything” is inside your own heart and head and you don’t have a car or drivers license. I remember it dragged and seemed like seasonal depression except it’s summer and every normal person get’s that in the winter don’t they? I remember I felt guilty for wallowing up in all the humid rain and feeling sad in the summer time, and also for wishing away every single day leading up until September. I remember my happiness revolving around a smile and I was so sick of work and the city and swore I would never be here like this again. I said it was my last summer in food service and that I needed school and to have every Saturday off and for some boy to be my boyfriend.

But here I am and it’s another summer in food service and it’s Saturday and I don’t have it off, some boy is gone and some other one still isn’t my boyfriend, and it’s even still raining in July. I still feel seasonal depression-y because I miss the sunshine house so bad and being surrounded by friends and being snugged up and smiling with some boy who isn’t just some boy, but I’m not going to be sad all summer or wish away my day’s until September. This rain is different and I can breathe and every single time I do it’s the greatest thing to happen in history (500 million) and this boy who isn’t my boyfriend likes to remind me of that and I like him a lot. I don’t feel all sticky and stuck and on Sunday, after my job in food service that doesn’t actually suck so bad, I get to go see him and can be snugged and smiling in seconds and so September and school can wait until they are ready for me (time doesn’t exist). Me and Sara aren’t even fighting and spend more time doing things that I love and my life revolves around a lot more than 1 single smile from someone who can’t see me for real. Just because it’s still raining in July, doesn’t mean anything is the same. Nothing is the same at all. I stayed up last night singing with my family and I’m so grateful for everything that’s been happening and my life seems more like a fantasy dream world than a dragging July, and I don’t want to sleep until September even if it’s sunnier there.

7/9/16

July’s a Drag So I’m sleeping til September:  https://whisperedthingsiwillscream.wordpress.com/2016/02/23/july-is-a-drag-so-im-sleeping-til-september/

 

 

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