A FREEZING APRIL AND A SOUL ON FIRE

“You have to be vigilant about keeping your own fire alive”

I woke up on this early April morning and my car doors were frozen shut. It’s been almost a week now of springtime rain and snow and sleet showers and hardly any sun. It’s also been almost of week since I have been to the gym, and days since I have checked things off in my agenda, opened a book for school, or written something new worth reading. I haven’t been my normal fiery self, explosive with big ideas and plans and sparks of energy and motivation to be great. I noticed it as my car was slipping around on the way home from the class I skipped yesterday, that I was in a little bit of a slump. Something about all the ice and freezingness got me feeling incredibly, and ironically, burnt out.

It’s fine to burn out for a bit, to rest up and reconvene and realize all the things that are happening outside of your own existence that typically engulfs you. It’s fine to fizzle out and breathe and take a break. A great deal happens when things stop happening for a second. You have time to think about things that never got the thoughts and attention they deserved and you have time for epiphanies and time to change your mind and sometimes you have time to be upset and to mope about somethings and someones that don’t matter. And sometimes it’s exhausting and it burns you out and you’re tired and you might cry in the middle of a romantic comedy and drink too much the next night and spend the entire next day wondering why either of those things happened in the first place. The burning out is fine though, so long as you don’t stay burnt. That’s the part I left out last time I wrote about this (The Burn Out). The part where I don’t stay burnt out for long, and light up brighter than before once I do.

Today is still freezing, but the sun came out and my soul caught fire. I was sitting in my car before class and it just happened and I felt able to take on my days again. I reclaimed control of my life and happiness and successes and decided my heart and mind will burn forever and that I’ll never run out of things to say. I had 15 ideas before noon and instead of having an urge to talk to the boy who’s smiles been losing it’s charm, I had an extra cup of coffee and wrote them all down. Instead of being all simmered down, I got fired up and got the urge to run again and towards all the things I want in my life and to fight for each hour of the day instead of watching them all pass by and slip away. I want to make the most of every second, to give my time and words and thoughts to the best people and to myself. I am back and burning with passion, hot with the hunger to be and do MORE and GREAT and I am warmed from the inside out with excitement of what the rest of this day, week, life, has in hold. I want to kill my exam tomorrow, to do some push ups, put on some lipstick, and stay up all night working on something that makes me happy. I’m bright again, explosive and dangerous with ideas and goals and plans, and maybe I was all along. Maybe we all are. Maybe we are an entire planet full of flaming souls and we just have to be more vigilant about keeping our fires alive.

4/5/16

 

 

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