YOU TAUGHT ME MORE THAN HAPPILY EVER AFTER COULD HAVE

(All of you. Yes, even you, and yes, especially you)

  1. You taught me that just because you used to want something so bad, doesn’t mean you always will, or that it will be as good as you imagined it would be once you get it. You taught me about disappointment and to recognize when something wasn’t right and to speak up and bail early. You taught me how overrated PDA is. You taught me how I never want to be kissed again.
  2. You taught me that it is ok to say no, even if it hurts someone. You taught me that being nice and feeling bad for someone is not a good enough reason to date someone or to stay with him. You taught me everything a relationship should not feel like. You taught me that I need to put myself first, and how to be brave and cut things off before I get stuck somewhere I don’t want to be forever. You taught me how to free myself, and to never settle.
  3. You taught me that two wrongs don’t make a right. (I should have learned that as a child I am well aware, but my time with you made this clear). You taught me how to swallow my pride and stop fighting when it’s Christmas time, and to save that for March. You taught me to always say what needs to be said. You taught me that you can’t save a person, you can only love them. You taught me you can’t fix a person; you also don’t get to be the one to decide if they are broken. You taught me that only I could save me, and how to save myself.
  4. You taught me how much words can mean, and also how little words can mean, and mostly that actions speak louder. You taught me how to keep a promise and how to break it. You taught me how to manage my time, push myself, and hold myself to higher standards. You taught me how to pull myself together, and smile, and not to fall in love with moments and mistake that for falling in love with the person. You taught me what forever feels like and that nothing ever is and that you can be so sure about something and still be wrong. You taught me what jealousy feels like and taught me to trust my gut over my heart. You taught me to follow my intuition and you taught me that you could love someone and forgive him for everything, and still decide not to be with him. You taught me how to recover from betrayal and how important my friends are. You taught me that I am stronger and more beautiful and independent than I could have ever imagined.
  5. You taught me that the best is yet to come and that everything coming is better than what’s gone. You taught me to find beauty and simplicity in everything, literally everything. You taught me that you could want to be with someone as bad as you want and that still won’t mean you are ready. You taught me not to take myself too seriously, and to laugh it all off. You taught me what it feels like to do something halfway and made me realize I will never be satisfied with that. You taught me that something could mean nothing and still be important. You taught me that we are all only human, and to never make the mistake of thinking a person is anything more than that.
  6. You taught me that some of the best dates are with your friends. You taught me that sometimes your best friend will fall in love with you and you wont know what to do. You taught me not to give someone false hope and not to be selfish. You taught me to let someone go when it’s time, and how even letting someone down easy is one of the hardest things to do. You taught me that losing a friend is better than breaking your friends heart. You taught me to never say maybe when I want to say no.
  7. You taught me to never develop crushes on people who live far away. You taught me how not to deal with that. You taught me how much an hour long phone call can improve your day, and to always keep an extra tooth brush around. You taught me that if someone seems like an asshole, they probably are an asshole, even if they seem to be nice to you. You taught me that I hate cartoons, and that sushi tastes better at midnight.
  8. You taught me not to agree to breakfast dates when it’s pitch black, 2am, and more than a few drinks in. You taught me that if you don’t like kissing a person the first time, you are not going to like kissing them the second time, or third, you probably won’t even like holding their hand. You taught me about metaphysics though, what it feels like to have a poem written about you, and how to handle being left at a table alone. You taught me getting coffee alone is so much better than getting coffee with someone else for no other reason than that you are lonely.
  9. You taught me to never try flirt with someone you live with. You taught me not to have important conversations at 5am, you taught me that nothing good ever happens at 5am at all. You taught me that you can almost hate someone and still do anything for them. You taught me that sorry is a bandaid and doesn’t actually fix or change anything and you taught me what it feels like to be the bad guy. You taught me that sometimes nobody is the bad guy, life is the bad guy, and it is what it is.
  10. You taught me to talk about the big things before the little things, or else you’ll end up seeing someone who believes in everything you hate. You taught me what I hate. You taught me to never date a conservative republican frat douche. You taught me how to relax though, how nothing matters as much as people act like it does. You taught me the cigarettes do not equate to “coolness” necessarily. You taught me I can’t change anyone’s mind, and why would I want to. You taught me that not everyone will understand me or find me funny, but that doesn’t mean I’m not. You taught me about business showers and the best bedtime routine I have yet to find. You taught me that I do not have to laugh at a guy if I don’t actually find him funny. You taught me about everything I want to stay far away from and that I can do so much better.
  11. You taught me a lot about chemistry, organic, and the other kind too. You taught me that we can all accomplish anything if we try hard enough and help each other out. You taught me to just say yes sometimes and live a little. You taught me how someone you don’t even know that well can be so important. You taught me that this is only the very beginning of the rest of our lives. You taught me that goodbyes aren’t always goodbyes and that life will always come full circle. You taught me that handwritten letters can be full of more than empty promises and there will be a few that I don’t end up burning on a beach.
  12. You taught me to listen to my little sister. You taught me that someone can do everything right and still feel wrong. You taught me how I deserve to be treated and not to settle for less than that. You taught me where to find the best lemonade, that someone who wants to see me will always make time, and that if someone actually wants to be with me then they will. You taught me to be honest from the start and to never stop singing in the car.
  1. You taught me how 1 day can be more important than forever. You taught me how dates should feel and all about personality tests and spontaneity. You taught me that failed plans are sometimes the best kind. You taught me what soft means. You taught me that beds are better off on the floor and board games and tai food are better when they are BYOB. You taught me to always bring a few nips along, and also a pocketknife. You taught me to stop in every antique store and book shop and coffee shop that I see, and that those things make being late worth it, and are probably better than the place your were trying to get to in the first place. You taught me to just get in the car and go and that I can do anything and to keep writing everything down. You taught me what it’s like to love someone who isn’t ready to be with you for real, and that nobody is over their exes. You taught me that just because something is doomed, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it anyways. You taught me how I want to feel for the rest of my life, and what to look for, and what to find.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s