PCD (but with a person)

 

So you hear one song and you know, you decide it right then and there, that down the road you need to see it played live, you will, maybe not anytime soon, maybe years later but you just know. You buy the entire album and put it on repeat and search for tour dates and ticket prices and one day the band is coming to your city and you have been working a lot and can afford to commit to $50 and a day off and you go for it. You almost buy the ticket without seeing if anyone else even wants to go with you but you end up finding someone or a couple people and you look forward to it for weeks. You learn all the words to all the other songs on the album besides the one you already know besides the one that is the entire reason you are going out of your way to see it live. Then finally it’s the day of the concert and you play nothing but that one band all damn day and drive everyone crazy and have a couple drinks and get dressed and you hype it up so much and make sure your phone is fully charged for videos. Soon enough you are there and it’s happening and you can hardly believe it’s happening and it’s exactly as great as you thought it would be maybe even better because there’s an encore or something. You dance a bit and know all the words and so does everyone around you and it’s sort of beautiful and they finally play that one song and it’s the exact moment you have been waiting months for and you are trying to live in the moment but that’s a very difficult thing to do when you can feel the moment drifting away and you can’t make it stay. After a couple encores and you throw out your drink and snacks and the security guards start urging people to go and for some reason when you pictured this moment for months and months you didn’t picture the leaving part or the part when it’s all over and you’re in a weird daze like state of shock. You hang around in your seat for longer than necessary and the security starts giving you dirty looks and finally you drag yourself and your friends out of the venue and you start walking home or looking for the car or getting a cab and you are still in this buzzed sort of state where you don’t believe it’s actually over and your energy is just totally and completely running off of that buzz and then you get home. You have a late night snack and get it bed and the song is still in your head and you replay your snap video about a million times and realize how annoying you were spamming the internet all night but you don’t really care and you feel like you just experienced the best thing you could have imagined but you also feel empty and you have work in the morning and no more concerts this week to look forward to. You fall asleep feeling confused and sort of oddly sad. It’s the farthest thing from disappointment but that’s what it feels like. It’s feels like time cheated you and let you down, like you should have been allowed to hold onto that moment you wanted so badly for just a little bit longer, you weren’t prepared for the letting go part and for being left with a memory and you wake up in this weird wallowing state of depression. Post Concert Depression. It’s such a real thing and a strange thing and it’s the strangest form of depressed you’ll ever be because you aren’t even necessarily sad. You’re so happy you got the exact moment you wanted and it was better than expected, it’s just that now it’s gone. There will be other concerts and other days spent with beautiful people but you just secretly wanted this one to last forever and you didn’t even know it and you wish you could go back and re live it all and enjoy it more if that’s even possible. I get this feeling a lot, from concerts yes, but from other things too. To be honest I don’t get to as many concerts as I would like to. But I do get to a lot of hyped up moments. I live in the moments, I really do, but sometimes my favorite person is with me and we are just laying in bed or something watching a show and sneaking in kisses when we can but mostly just laying there and barely talking and I don’t know it’s nothing special, but at the same time it’s the most special thing you’ll ever experience and you just forget that the person has to leave soon, you forget about saying goodbye, and you don’t have any plan for your day for once they leave because that doesn’t seem like something that will actually happen, until it does. They pull themselves together and pack up their bag and they go, they drive away and you are still there. You’re so alone with yourself it’s insane and you know you’ll see them again and obviously they had to leave and it was a great 24 hours regardless and you have nothing to be sad about at all, you can even call them later if you want to (just like you can still listen to that certain song) but you just feel empty for a few hours and don’t know what to do with yourself besides wish they were still there. You know how you never want to throw away concert tickets? It’s like that but with sheets or something. You lay back into bed and your sheets still smell like them and you don’t want to wash them and you feel sad cleaning up the dishes they left on the end table and when you make 1 cup of coffee instead of two in the morning you almost want to cry and sometimes you do cry and nothing is sad at all. It’s happy if anything because all those things are proof that something pretty great happened even if it was so simple. It’s why I should be writing my case study for macronutrient metabolism right now but I just can’t. I mean, the only way I can describe it is saying it’s like “post concert depression” but with a person and the only way to get over that is to keep playing that song and to see the person again.

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