I spent the past 24 hours gallivanting around providence, having one of the best 24 hour increments with one of the best humans I have ever met and totally forgot that it’s my ex boyfriend’s birthday (the one who I thought I would always be with, for sure). Last night I got into 3 different bars underage and he helped me scrub the exes off my hands (figuratively and literally) and I got pretty drunk. I laughed and danced and informed a stranger of which brand of running shoes he should invest in for about 30 minutes (I don’t think he even runs). In the morning we opened the window and cracked open a beer and it was so sunny and warm. We hid under the covers and put on some wonderfully tacky music and just laid there holding each other for over an hour. We ignored our hangovers and he spent his only day off with me. We got coffee and walked to this park by the water and kicked a soccer ball around and I did cartwheels. We walked back so sweaty and talked about our dreams and theorized multiple dimensions and considered where we go when we die and decided time isn’t linear. We shared a shower and a bunch of kisses and then he bought us both some green juices and I got excited about life. We wandered and explored a three floor antique shop and discussed the definition of compassion and he told me he wants to meet my mom even though he probably doesnt mean it. We got back to his place and put generation earth on Netflix and spooned and accidentally fell asleep until it was time for me to go catch my train. He said next time we should meet up in Boston and it wasn’t even sad to leave because if you think about someone enough you are sure to see them again. On the train home there was a cute baby and a man playing guitar and the sun poked through the trees just right.

When your high school boyfriend breaks your heart and you are sobbing into your floor and drinking whisky and cutting up his clothes (which is inevitable and ok but still sucks so much) just know that there will also be days like this one, when you will forget his birthday, and that after it gets worse, it will get better. And when this guy is potentially gone too, things will maybe suck again for a bit, but then things will definitely get better yet. Life is sad but it’s also sunshiny Sundays and impromptu afternoon naps.

(MAY 17 2015) 


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